A love letter to those living with chronic pain

From my heart to yours

Dear one,

I want to say that I am thinking of you. I am thinking of all the moments you feel defeated by what, most of the time, is an invisible enemy. I am thinking about how lonely you might feel when no one seems to understand that invisible wounds can hurt, too. I am thinking of all the days you had to look at your schedule at the end of your day and cry out of despair because the disease made it impossible for you to accomplish what this beautiful mind of yours is capable of doing. I am thinking of all the occasions you felt jealous of your friends because you didn’t have the energy to attend social gatherings. I am thinking of the days you ran out of ways to feel hopeful. I am thinking of those dark days when considering gratitude made you cringe because… well, the pain was so great you couldn’t feel anything else. I am thinking of the exhaustion of starting a new treatment after telling your story to the twenty-seventh doctor you’re visiting, trying to find someone who isn’t going to dismiss you. I am thinking of those days you realized you needed help to grieve those big dreams of yours, which the disease has made impossible to manifest. I am thinking of all the moments you look at your bank account, hoping to have enough to do something fun this season, to find out that… well, not now. What you made in the past couple of months wasn’t enough.

I am thinking of you who had to give up your career because your body couldn’t keep up with the daily routine. I am thinking of you who had to give up so much of yourself to accommodate the requirements of health management. I am thinking of you who feel like your body cannot catch up with your mind, except when the pain is so great that your mind surrenders to a profound depression.  I am thinking of you who might feel like there is no Spring or Summer in your year. Only Winter. And in the good-enough days, maybe Fall. I am thinking of you who lost a relationship because the partner couldn’t face it with you. I am thinking of your heartbreak.

I also am thinking of you who love a dear one who lives with chronic pain. I am thinking of how lonely you might feel when your loved one is so depressed that you cannot reach them. I am thinking about how your love, understanding, loyalty, and care are the best medicine your dear one can find most days. I am thinking of how great a job you are doing on exploring different ways to feel connected. I am thinking about how, despite all the challenges, you have grown together and learned to find beauty in small, simple moments.

I am thinking of you and all you have learned to keep on living and be your best friend. I am thinking of how amazing you are and how the world deserves to know more about you. I know you might not feel like that most of the time. But believe me. You are amazing, dear one. Please be yourself and express your voice. We need you.